Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
