I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
