She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
