Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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