Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
