I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
