do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
