there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
