so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
