idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never joke about your clitoris.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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