you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
