Me. At least after what I've been through.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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