the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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