i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
