obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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