i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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