she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize