Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
