Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize