Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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