Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We're too hungover to prance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
