last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i think my cat just said my name.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
