I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
