you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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