Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
