I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
