I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
