I should be sponsored by Trojan
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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