Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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