Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
