It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
