I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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