I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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