The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
