This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
