No stitches, just platelets and will power
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
