5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
