Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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