garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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