you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
