just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
