did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
are you so shy because you have an std?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
