My hand turned me down
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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