Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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