i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
