So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
