i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
