her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
