So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
