the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
