Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
