I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize