look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
