the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
