dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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