I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
