sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
