youre lurking in front of me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
