the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
