I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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