We're like a lot better than the average bears
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize