i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
