somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
