Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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