Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
