I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
