how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
