When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
