1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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