i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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