too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
